Saturday, July 19, 2008

To lie or not to lie

Its 11:20 pm, Friday nite…
"Cry me A river,Justin Timberlake" playing in Winamp

Im kinda out of a bad patch I was going through for the past month or so,I feel rejuvenated now atleast having sparred a thought to the people around I’ve forced myself to see the present with one baby step at a time each day,.

All this thanks, to my soon to be terminated Project I was working on..I now have something tangible to bother myself about at the moment.My usual dreams of snake kingdom is now interrupted with a lot of sudden and startled awakening followed by panics about being unemployed by august, followed by lot of intense googling in the middle of the night with job openings for my profile…

Well…Its back to the good ol’ updating Resume days. Having dusted an inch of filth off my 2-page resume I used during my campus recruitment in college, I sat at my desk like a Beethoven ready to perform to an audience, cracking my knuckles and then I set off to work……………
It took me almost 30 mins to draft the first line quoting my professional Experience, which goes like….

2 years of professional experience in the field of Product Lifecycle Management, with thorough understanding of the techno functional areas of Oracle PLM

Having read, and re-read that line 37682345 times in active voice/passive voice, backwards, sideways, diagonally, ….and after hectic trials of all sorts of font faces, colors and sizes…I checked my system clock, It chimed 1pm- LUNCH TIME. Need I say more, lunch time these days are more like ‘crap-chat-yap-bully’ time..one hour and 30 mins is not enough for all the previously mentioned activities also given the fact that we have to eat at the same time.Tough ask!

Anyways Jokes apart, having made my way to the desk, dangerously snaking my way through the aisle with my half opened eyes Thanks to the after effects of “Andhra mess” meals.I sat at my desk, and thought to give a read through of what I’ve accomplished so far in the resume,..and here we go again,

2 years of professional experience in the field of Product Lifecycle Management, with thorough understanding of the techno functional areas of Oracle PLM

It was time, enough was enough, it was time to involve the expert and I daringly turned to my trustworthy team mate who was anxiously inventing a formula to calculate the weight of her soon-to-be born baby. I scratched my head, as she grudgingly gave up her work, and started to review my resume,..

“Is this your resume, or a testimonial of truth on your deathbed”..she exclaimed…….

She then went on to explain those words of reality: the power of lying with statistics in a resume

“Whattttttttttt?....never ever!!!!!!!!...” I shook my head from side to side like a dog when confronted with a shampoo bath

“Arre,… Lying in your resume is not only immoral,.but there's a fine line between selling and lying, make sure you don't cross it.And the sure way any employer would buy your resume was with lies with stats.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics and so, were the words uttered by my teammate.STATS, is what that gives a resume genuineity sans believability. Numbers and figures give whole new meaning to anything its marinated in.A freaking genius once said, “Stats are like bikinis, what they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital”, Like it or not, I agree with that when it comes to numbers in important documents like resumes.How many times, have you seen statistic about something which says “The tip of a 1/3 inch long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph” and you go Wow…without anything as a second thought of finding the possible causes and its practicability to life…the truth is there’s no way in introspecting the causes and no one gives a damn if the wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph.

Below are some of the stats, (true or not..but worth a read)

1.Number of pe.ople who aren't doctors, but play
them on TV : 57

2.Who aren't doctor's but play them in
hospitals : 5,840

3.Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)

4.An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

5.Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

6.Smoking is one of the leading causes of all statistics.
(Muahahaaaa)

Amazing as these stats may seem, and so is the act of embellishing in one’s resume. Getting busted or not for lying in resumes and its career consequences is secondary to me.The question I might ask myself is, Will I be consciously happy about such an act leave alone the number of people doing it..The answer is NO…and at the end of the day , my resume still read,

2 years of professional experience in the field of Product Lifecycle Management, with thorough understanding of the techno functional areas of Oracle PLM

(Note: Its been a week since I posted my resume on naukri, only 1 recruiter view so far by some niveditha consultancy services…. …Future looks bleak .........ANYWAYS!!!)

5 comments:

Animated Junk said...

i am in final year and i exactly know what u r sayin
i search, google ,try random company sites for career option.write my resume. rewrite. edit. delete. think. analyse. write. edit. .....it jus goes on.

Kavitha Mahalingam said...

haaa...final year college!!! best days of my life!

i wud like to refer the resumes prepared in college as " Virgin Resumes"...if u know wat i mean!Its a mad coporate world out there!

Ranjini said...

same case here de..am daily updating my resume in naukri:)(as per your guidance)he he!!..my resume views-0..

Kavitha Mahalingam said...

wow..wow..
look who's found time, to leave a comment...luck me and my blog!
:)

Ranjini said...

en nelamai kavi ...hmm wat to do..btw,sarcastic reply...gavanichukaren :)