WHATever GOES UP, MUST COME DOWN

They say “Whatever goes up, must come down”..ever since Sir Issac newton saw the falling of an apple..laws of nature are determined and nothing lasts forever. Like Newton, I too witnessed the same, not the falling of an apple but myself….

Mysterious, how this platitude becomes so insignificant when you going up .Nothing matters, You feel like you’re on top of the world and you ARE on top of the world,..suddenly, the world becomes so colorful, you’re zooming thro’ life, with the wind in your hair..and the ground becomes a cloud. …Momentarily you become blasphemous, you feel even god is below you, …Disrespect and contempt for fellow human beings becomes the order of the day, An unworthy self-pride tickles your feet…

And then it happens…

I open my eyes to the realities of the world…….the following are the things I witnessed,

1.My speedometer reads 70 km/hr….
2.Definite chunk of solid air, between my bike tyres and the ground.
3.Behind me,a partially uncovered ditch which was dug by the Electricity Board during last nite’s power outage
4.Front of me, vast expanse of steaming of Indian tar road.

The scene just froze in midair, when my average pea sized brain, tried to string together the above data…

If (2+2=4) then

try {
System.out.println (“ You are now, going to understand how gravity works, when your bike rockets off the ground at 70 km/hr having hit a marshy ditch”);

Case 1: heavily bandaged knee joints and wrist
Case 2: Badly singed and torn pants
Case 3: Fairer complexion, thro’ loss of skin in arms and legs
Default: all of the above
}

Catch (Exception e)
{
System.out.println (“You will now, be rescued from the falling bike, by prince charming and live happily ever after)
}

Well I guess, you all can figure out by yourselves what would have happened…all I know, for sure..was the program never ran into the exception part..hehehe...god bless!

WHATever GOES UP, MUST COME DOWN

Devadhai in the telephone

Having indulged myself to liberal amount of Floyds in the last couple of weeks (evident from my last post) and my new profound band, named Fort minor. Im here back blogging.Probably I should create another blog only for my music (for the benefit of mankind..lol)…I just never seem to run out of things to yap about…Never mind that.

Coming back to this post., what sparked me to write this post is my last month’s Phone bill.Its a whooping Rs.695.Well you can say, its nothing to complain about.Its just 695/-.Well its quite an amount, if your itemized statement for the month shows just 3 numbers-the Customer Care (or rather customer Scare),.A non-existent aunt who my mom keeps calling and, our dear plumber.

I mean, Where is the world going? Let me first give you a gist about how this gadget called mobile, works in my world.

No outgoing from my mobile

Courtesy: My desk phone at work-the latest Cisco IP phone.,with local,STD,ISD facilities with 20 customised polyphonic ringtones including the koo-koo ring of the newly discovered species of the cukoo bird.

No Incoming to my mobile.,

Courtsey: To an amazing number of ppl, who’ve forgotten that I’m still alive or rather forgotten the art of keeping in touch(sigh)

It won’t be fair on my part and Im not doing justice, to this post, if I don’t mention the very few ppl who do care abt me and do take the trouble to call almost everyother day.,No matter how busy they are in their own lives, they take timeoff , to gimme a call.
The following are those blessed souls,

1.ICICI bank of india

2.Airtel India.

3. Deutsche Bank!

4.Oriental bank of Oman

5.Gilmah and Gilpah bank of Gibraltar

6. United bank of “I don’t give a Sh**”

No-matter what time of the day it is, no matter where you are…someone in the above list will be dialing your number.So, ppl like me out there..dont feel Insecure…Coz, they care!!..they really do.
And, when I say, “where ever you are”….take my word….they reach you
‘WHEREEVER YOU ARE’

Once,at work…I was at a meeting with the whole of my team around 15 of them.It was a fully furnished conference room, with state-of-the- art teleconferencing system on a gleaming round table, not only the table gleamed, but also the bald heads in room, with the light from the crimson bulbs bouncing off their heads.The sight was so appeasing to the eye, I nearly dozed off, within .00567 secs of the commencement of the meeting.And then suddenly…….

Ring, Ring, …Ring…Ring,,,..( The conference fone,right next to me on the table was clearly screaming…)

For one moment, everyone in unison looked at the fone, as if they had some special laser beam in their eyes, that would cease the ringing and ,with no notice whatsoever they shifted their gaze on me…

Taken aback, I murmured “ damn, I didn’t do anything”….more to myself.”

But, no one took their gaze off me, only then I realized…that ppl wanted me to answer the phone with some bizarre “eye-contact-language”, ..

The scene, just froze in time..i whipped back my hair gently, and slowly reached for the fone on the desk, as Mr.chari, mopped the tiny beads of sweat from his bald head

…Duddub…dubdub..dubdub (heartbeat sequence……………………………………………..)

As In twentieth century fox, in an ultra slow motion I picked up with receiver

“Hello”

And then, it happened…..a goddess spoke,in a high decibel that can only be heard by dogs.

“ Madam we are calling from I**CI, you have been chosen to for lifetime medical insurance of 5 lakhs. and a free diagonostic membership to any of the bank tied-up hospitals in Chennai, as well as unlimited usage all bathrooms at gomathi nursing home, in guduvancheri.”

The women , recited the whole epic, she learnt during her training, in about 0.5 micro of a second.

I was simply awed at the splendiferous ways by which our customer care seem to have penetrated, care well beyond the boundaries of conference halls,meetings and gleaming bald heads.Not even the penetrating gaze of my fellow teamates, was gonna shake me from admiring the” Devadhai in the telephone” but being a society bound creature, I uttered those words, which is feared by all customer care personnel’s arnd the world..

“Sorry, I’m not interested”

-to be continued

Pink Paints

Its Monday 1am, me and pink Floyd

Im plugged in to my player, High-hopes by Pink Floyd.This is 7^th time this particular number is being played in a loop

................ The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever……………

And so, it goes again….and again and again…every syllable of this song holds immense meaning, bringing rushing memories of the forsaken thing called life and its bizarre ways.

Amazing this thing called music, how it can deflate a heavy battered soul with a satisfying pain with every drop of tear shed, whilst one relates oneself to the song., the heart screams ever so silently, melancholy while the burns of sins heal, shadows of broken dreams become shallow, mingled fears become ashes and so it goes again,

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded……………

With words of revenge daring to escape those lips,When u thought love was all you had,and love was all you’d known, carelessly bredding wrath within.

The grass was greener
The light was brighter………………………………………………………………………..

Thinking outside the blog

Its Sunday 6:54 pm, yet another S-day killed by the vivacious habit called slumbering by daylight. My “To-do-list” for the day,will be soon be christened as the “I-Don’t-give-a-Sh**” list by the end of the day.

Here’s me, Im not a regular blogger, and lets not forget the fact this blog is relatively new (very evident, from my blog archive), though im not new to the world of blogging.I’ve been around blogosphere for quite sometime, lying down low, reading other’s blogs.But sadly I couldn’t find time in this “quite-sometime” time to really blog bigtime ;) .

But cynical as it may sound “I find myself,-addicted to blogging” Muahahaaaa..Credits:Rahul Aggarwal.

Having dedicated and focused my entire life in the upliftment and growth of almost extinct arts of Wittism , sarcasm, boo-ism and crap-ism, I find my Blog,as a set stage, with no strings attached ,with no censor-board, and no audience too sometimes (comeon,you ppl, post ur comments…don’t just sneak out after reading em’)

Talking, about censorship,If only we had one., my post on “A series of Unfortunate events” would go- BEEPPPPPP,BEEP,BEEEP……BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP…………………

Okay, Let me ask you a simple question,A petite litmus test

Do you think of <anything>, that happens in you’re daily life, in terms of whether, it will make a good post on you’re blog.Then, CONGRATULATIONS mate, You are suffering from “-Blog addiction Syndrome.(Trust me, Im not making this up.).

Gone are the days, when you had an intimate phone conversation with a close friend of a break-up you just had.If you wanna catch up with what your friends are upto in life, all you have to do is just check his/her blog.

Some, people I’ve known through my life, have suddenly become self-acclaimed,Suddenly they’ve become critics, in the field politics,Science, Sports., wat not..Coz, they have a blog.No offence

But, maintaining a public forum like this, is something like being the hand of god, even if you’re posting about a Lingerie sale at a near by boutique, or about how legs gets sticky against a leather couch, after a long Sunday afternoon nap.

Whatever it maybe,At the end of the day, It’s a great feeling, when people who matter most in you’re life, and who really care to know what you’re upto ,can drop by from time to time to know what’s happening to you lately.

Here are some interesting, signs of blogoholics which i googled up, from other interesting similiar posts

1. You find the cure for cancer, and you immediately write a blog about it.You think Nike should make a shirt that says “just blog it”.
2. You sneak off during a date to check your hit stats.
3. You check your Adsense revenue more than your bank account.
4. You filter everything through your post-writing. You can’t watch a movie, see a play, read an article, or share a sweet moment with your child without thinking of whether it’s blog-worthy.
5. After 5 minutes of meeting someone really interesting you ask, “So - do you blog?”

OMG, point 4 and 5, are disturbingly true.

Anyways, Happing blogging ppl, and proud to be blogoholic.

It never happened

May the 1^st, all hail the Laborers of the world.

Kudos to all the socio economic achievements of the all the laborers around the world.

Having said that, today is also a holiday for all the good reasons, May day or not, this day happens to a cross-quarter day-falls approximately halfway between a solstice and an equinox.Never mind all the high-funda words.

Ahhh, Coming back to this post- A plethora of embarrassment.

Before I go into the details, let me give you a preamble about myself.Im never this “easily getting embarrassed” types. I don’t give myself a chance to get embarrassed that easily .Im more of having witnessed fellow human beings getting embarrassed in public, and “try-not-to-laugh” types.But whats provoked me to write this post is because my luck has shifted gears lately, and the first category of “easily-getting-embarrased” has befallen on me, ever so often in public.Defining public- from RTO office to conference rooms.

Whenever I think about those unique moments , it makes me wanna shrink my face in disgust with liberal usage of couple of swear words on the next person I see, I just wish it never happened.

For the betterment of my ego and this blog, lets call those incidents as “it never happened”

It never happened-I wish

It was a Sunday (or rather I call it doomsday), me being the “then coach” of a school basketball team,I was holding a small get-to-gether at a nearby ice-cream parlour with the team.(I know what ya thinking, Ice cream parlour-not quite cheesy, but I had drive a herd of wild school kids).Well, the meetup point happened to be the school gate from where I was to tug the group to the ice cream site(This happened to be the costliest decision made).

When all the 13 in the team gathered at the spot, they were uncontrollable and not-surprisingly noisy, and the consequence of that appeared in the form of a monster nun which goes by the title-the principal of the school, who for some reason was taking a stroll along the school gate on that particular day ( I heard the first sound of my luck shifting gears).The following is the conversation,that followed with the principal,

for privacy sakes lets call her “ full-of-crap” lady

-------------------------------------------------------------

Me: morning sister ( it was 5pm..crap!!! who cares)

“ full-of-crap” lady : glares at me, as if im some disgusting insect

I didn’t give a damn, I was wearing an ethinic salwar suit, with my hair left held back by my fasttrack eye gear, and chewing a gum, since I was feeling slightly nauseous on that particular day.

“ full-of-crap” lady : Continues to scowl in my direction

Me : unperturbed,I just kept chewing my gum.

“ full-of-crap” lady : essume me!!! .Wot ess haappening ere.Why is childrans making naise
(Translation:Excuse me!! What is happening here.Why are children making noise)

Me : Well, Blah blah blahh-blah-gettogether- blah blah,-ice cream parlour -more blahhh, for team interaction.

“ full-of-crap” lady :Did yu got parrmisson prom me.
(Transaltion:Did you get permission from me)

Me : Well, sister, its not school day, today is a Sunday. And I got the parrmisson(hehe), from the respective kids’ parents.Only upon their approval, im taking the kids out.

“ full-of-crap” lady : No no no, these ess very baid (bad). Today you taking childrens to eeat ice-cream, tomorrow you take them to beach, and tsunami come, all die…

It took me sometime, to actually register what she was saying, did she say “TSUNAMI”.??!!!
Before I could reply.She ploughed on

“ full-of-crap” lady : Luke at you. You ave no raspact for me(i.e.respect-watch out for this word). Why are you chewing gum???

Me : Well, errrrrr……( Mabe chewing gums are mean to be chewed..hahaha).

“ full-of-crap” lady : frst, lerrrn raspact!!!!, (her eyes rovers over me from top to bottom). Yoare father ess vaery good man. And you ave no raspact at aalu. (aalu?? Ohhhh, gotcha “You have no respect at all”)

(to hell with raspact, I plunged into my speech )

Me: Sister, let me tell you something, I studied in this very school for 14 years, Onething, this school has thought me ,” is respect cannot be demanded, it has be earned.”i have respect for this school and its principals in my heart.You are taking the principal seat which was once was occupied by the likes of sister Rosely Paul, Sister and Mary Lobo ( clap clap clap!!!!! I was surprised how sentimentally I attacked .but, nevertheless- she was taken aback not impressed, I Sure touched one sensitive spot in her ).

“ full-of-crap” lady : She was gaping me at as if I was from some strange land.She now looked like she swallowed an inspect

Me : Good bye, Sister!.. have a nice day.

And that was goodbye to my coaching days as well, Doomsday!!!